What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 01:01
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Would this be the day?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why do very skinny girls get more male attention if it is true that men like curves?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I said to her
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
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My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
This is soul school!.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
How can you maintain self-control?
Why did i forgive my father ?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why do men prefer women below the age of 30?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
When she asked me how she looked .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Is it wrong of me to feel uncomfortable that my friend thinks my brother is hot?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Where the ultimate outsiders.
What is the best interracial stories that you hear or know and want to share?
I could never make a relationship work though!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Do most narcissists have good intentions as long as you are under their control?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I couldn’t, believe it.
What is the central theme of the entire Bible in one word (if possible)?
Im still living with it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One cannot live in the past .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But ive been too sick for many years..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Who then, do I blame.?
I think the readers, may guess!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She loved him until the end.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
What did i know ?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I have no regrets .
I waited trembling.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I will be 64.
So whats the point in blame.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She found it foreign!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She was in good health!
I was scared of men, in general
(And it was in our own minds.)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We all went to grammer schools
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Comes on , in middle age.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was very sick at this time too.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was 9 years of age.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Put me off passion for life!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He knew the spot.
I don,t even have a pension.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My family never makes their pension either.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I write beautiful poetry .
My life is so biszare .
All the time i was locked up.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And i lived it daily.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She married twice! .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She wouldn,t have been !
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It was going to be , some day.
We were not on the streets..
Especially a lifetime of it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So, i spoilt her more .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Ive learnt so much.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But it wasn’t much.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But, we were locked up after school.